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Things I’ve recently mumbled
By adam.cozens | February 18, 2010
If I had a gun, I would name it “Kindness.” That would be pretty bad-ass. And the cause of death would look awesome on a police report.
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You shouldn’t be allowed to say the phrase “I threw it on auto-pilot”, if the proverbial plane you are piloting would have never passed snuff for takeoff.
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NASCAR’s new ad campaign for their 2010 season is “80 million NASCAR fans can’t be wrong.” Well, that’s not what the board at the graduate equivalency exam said…
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The first ingredient listed in my heartburn medication is Carnauba Wax. That’s a relief. I can take heed knowing that even if the pill doesn’t cure what ails me, if will leave my affected organs looking showroom quality clean!
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It must be pretty hard for a man being executed in an educated town to brag about his genitals. “Hey! I’m hung!” “No…you’re HANGED!”
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Joe the Plumber lashed out at the McCain/Palin camps saying “they ruined my life,” startling coastal American’s to the realization that being a plumber living in Ohio was not already a “ruined life.”
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I’m not sure if this is a common thing, but I have begun to notice that whenever I get into a fight with my girlfriend, she always tends to exaggerate just how GREAT of a mood she was in prior to the argument. Really? You were THAT bubbly and happy, yet the mere mention by me that these jeans have another solid 2 or 3 years in them really set you off THAT bad? That sounds like it requires another conversation…
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Lots of angry people line up waiting for subways on the 6 train line. Brings a new meaning to “stations of the cross.”
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If I ever committed a sexually based crime that was considered especially heinous, I think I would have no choice but to name my penis “the special victims unit”
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I hope “Shutter Island” is a really terrible movie because I already have pre-written a great two-word headline review for it. I won’t spoil it, but here is a hint: I changed the first vowel!
Topics: Bloggin' |
February 20th, 2010 at 1:45 am
Not bad for a transplant.