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WEEKLY JOKES: Week of Febraury 4th-8th
By adam.cozens | February 13, 2013
Week of February 3rd-9th “Best” of:
- 79 pounds of cocaine was found mixed in with a shipment of bananas in Belgium. Michelle Obama is trying anything to get people to eat healthier.
- During the 3rd Quarter of last Sunday’s Super Bowl, there was a 39 minute power outage stopping play. It was the longest time viewers had to stare at a blackout since James Franco hosted the Oscars.
- A Blizzard Warning is in effect for the entire NorthEast. It’s the largest Blizzard warning in Jersey since Chris Christie first discovered Dairy Queen.
- The USPS says that they will soon be ending mail deliveries on Saturday. I don’t know how I am going to be able to transition from getting nothing in the mail on Saturdays, to getting nothing in the mail on Saturdays.
- Warren Buffett may have lost over $300 million earlier this week. That guy really needs to get those jeans fixed.
- The unemployment rate for Millenials is 5% higher than the national average. Turns out the demand for t-shirt designing, pro skater DJ’s was lower than we once thought.
- The Ku Klux Klan has pledged a massive rally over the renaming of three confederate-themed parks in Memphis. The Klan has always been most beloved when mass assembled.
- Following his announcement that he wouldn’t be running for the open Massachusetts Senate seat, Scott Brown has been in discussions to join Fox News. Good, they could use a conservative perspective over there.
- Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler proposed to actress Kirsten Cavalleri today via text message. Cavalleri accepted the proposal but noted “usage rates may apply.”
- Last Thursday was the series finale of NBC’s beloved-niche sitcom 30 Rock. In keeping with tradition, it was fantastic and nobody watched it.
- This last Saturday was Groundhog’s Day and Punxatonny Phil saw his shadow, promising six more weeks of Winter. See, I told you this whole Global Warming thing was just a myth.
Topics: Comedy, Daily Jokes |
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