It would stink to be the first one deemed “associate”
By adam.cozens | October 3, 2008
I was doing some soul-searching late last night (aka, watching the opening credits to the film Rambo, which I had previously never seen (and ohmigosh, it is REALLY good!)) and it labeled the casting to have been done by some old, probably white dude and his “associates”. This hurt my heart. Not because these fine determiners of proper of talent and sex appeal weren’t named despite their important contributions to the casting process, but because out of all the associates, I just know that ONE of them is incredibly hated by all of the others. Allow me to explain.
In the highfalutin’ world of big business and other corporate whatchamacallits, a group never originally forms with a name like: “Nestos & Associates.” It’s origins are much more personal. Probably with something relatable and friendly like “Nestos and Korsmo” and after another addition “Nestos, Korsmo and Sommers” and then “Nestos, Korsmo, Sommers & Palmer.” And that is all neat and nice. But one day, following the lengthy reviewal process to select a new partner, Big Boss Nestos found the name to be just too long and opted to just switch it over to “and Associates.” This totally sucks in a whole bunch of ways for that new partner.
First of all, the partners that came before him TOTALLY hate him. Until now, they all had their names on the side of the building and on billboards and their last name was all over the company business cards and in the credits of the films that they assisted in the casting of and all that stuff. But now? Nothing. They are now just un-named associates, because of this new guy, this terrible walking party foul, screwed everything up by being born. Yeah, it wasn’t his decision, but they all sure will blame him anyway.
Also, imagine the disappointment of the new partner! He had been working his butt off trying to get this promotion and finally he made it! I can imagine the look of pure pride and joy knowing that he was going to have his name on the side of an impressive firm’s building and most likely, even took a family road-trip out to the office late that night to see the new signs unveiling. But what did he find when they removed the sheet? “Nestos and Associates.” Wow. Not his life-long dream of seeing his name in lights. No “Nestos, Korsmo, Sommers, Palmer & Lovell.” But simply and associates.” Must be terribly heart-breaking.
I guess the point of this all is, you should all feel bad for other people who thought that they were going to totally get this kick-butt job promotion but instead now cry themselves to sleep every night because their wife and kids are ashamed and them for not being on the name of the firm. Yeah.
Cry about that too.
It wasn’t ALWAYS that way J.D…”
Topics: Bloggin', Opinion, Random, The Man | 1 Comment »
Rapist? Pssssh. More like Rape-ER!!!!
By adam.cozens | October 2, 2008
So I was doing some meditating today (aka, washing the apartments dishes so that my roommates will continue to love me) and I decided that I don’t like the way that people who commit the act of rape are deemed as “rapists”. Rapist, with it’s whole “ist”-y ending gives the position FAR too much pride. It makes it sound like a proper profession that one has worked years to perfect. It’s like “neurologist”, or “ornithologist” or “satirist”…but “rapist?” No. That is messed up. Rapistry doesn’t come with a dental plan and we shouldn’t encourage ourselves to align it with jobs that do.
I much would prefer if we all moved to call those who commit the crime of rape as a “raper”. The title “Raper” takes a substantial chunk of the pride out of the job and makes it just…something that they do. No more haughty titles that give us visions of offices full of diplomas. Raper is just like…painter, or blogger…or back-scratcher. The -er takes a lot of the pride, and therefor power away from the doer of the sinful deed.
We can all envision our grandmothers beaming with great pride as they with a smile, “Oh, my little Owen? He is a rapist now.” but we would be hard pressed to generate the same mental perspective if she was to dismissively say “Oh my Craig…he is but a simple raper.”
Let us all band together and repeal the “rapist” title in favor of the hard-hitting new “raper.”
Topics: Advice, Bloggin', Opinion, Random, The Man, Weird | No Comments »
My new favorite YouTube video
By adam.cozens | September 30, 2008
Wow.
Please help me make this the biggest video since “Adam reacts to Beverly Hills Chihuahua trailer” (if that is even POSSIBLE at this point!)
Topics: Animals, Awesome, Random, Weird | 1 Comment »
“Boom goes the dynamite”
By adam.cozens | September 30, 2008
This video was one of my favorites back when I was in college and today I re-watched for the first time in well over a year. It still holds its place as being just incredibly cringe-worthy.
And while we are at it, here is another favorite broadcasting flub of mine.
I swear I’m not a hater…I just really love this stuff!
Topics: Awesome, Entertainment | 2 Comments »
My shot at fame
By adam.cozens | September 29, 2008
Remember my 4th of July on Coney Island? I sure do. Apparently so does someone on the YouTube who decided that the annual Independence Day hot dog contest was worth throwing online. And I must thank him or her for that. Now, for your viewing pleasure, two snap shots. Can you find me?
Courtesy ESPN
Topics: Awesome, New York, The Man | No Comments »
I shall shed no tear
By adam.cozens | September 29, 2008
Ta-Nehisi Coates at the Atlantic:
I’ve been thinking a lot about this nomination and rewatching the videos of Palin’s interview. Honestly, it’s all made me tremendously sad. There are lot of us lefties who are guffawing right now and are happy to see Palin seemingly stumbling drunkenly from occasional interview to occasional interview. I may have been one of them. But I’m out of that group now.
The Palin pick was the most crassest, most bigoted decision that I’ve seen in national electoral politics, in my—admittedly short—lifetime. There can be no doubt that they picked Palin strictly as a stick to drum up the victimhood—small town, hunters, big families and most importantly, women. Had Barack Obama picked Hillary Clinton, there simply is no way they would have picked Sarah Palin. To the McCain camp, Palin isn’t important as a politician, or even as a person. Her moose-hunting, her sprawling fam, her hockey momdom, her impending grandmother status are a symbol of some vague, possibly endangered American thing, one last chance to yell from the rafters “We wuz robbed.” Lineup all your instances of national politicians using white victimhood to get into offices—Willie Horton, White Hands, Sista Souljah, Reagan in Philadelphia etc.—they were all awful no doubt. But I have never seen a politician subject an alleged ally to something like this.
Topics: Idiocy, Opinion, Politics | No Comments »
Head of Skate = WINNER!!!
By adam.cozens | September 26, 2008
Not only is this video hilarious, but it also stars AdamCozens.Com favorite Liz K. aka “Jeannie Tate”!!!
Topics: Awesome, Comedy, Politics | 1 Comment »
A truly amazing picture
By adam.cozens | September 25, 2008
If I am lucky, maybe 6 of you will fully grasp how incredibly awesome this picture is for me. Either way, its cool.
Topics: Awesome, Comedy, Music, TV, The Man | 1 Comment »
“Me Talk Pretty One Day” - a review
By adam.cozens | September 25, 2008
I first met David Sedaris when I was helping my friend and co-worker Susannah move out of her 3rd floor walk up and into a 5th floor
I didn’t think much of the meeting until a couple weeks later when at the Comic Strip, Susannah brought him along with her. She saw him that morning and thought of me and how we would like each other. Upon that she took to decide that we should formally be introduced. I figured that I didn’t have a lot else going on and took her up on the offer. David hung out in the green room for the rest of the show following which we went and shared a plate of onion rings at a small
I started seeing him everywhere after that. At the park, by the club, even on the subway. And he was always wearing that damn greenish colored jacket. We became fast friends as he told me of his time in
I learned about his family and his father who reminded me in many ways of my own and in turn I began to ponder what my life would have been like if I had been born not into a big city, but actually a smaller down. In the end, my friend in the green jacket decided that he had no more to offer me and we parted ways, but not before I was able to introduce him to my roommate who, unlike me, was already familiar with his writings and was quite interested in getting to know him better. Since then I have bumped into him on occasion, sometimes he now wears this off-white jacket with red trim, but it will most likely never replicate the first time our paths crossed. And as he taught me, I can too, take comfort in this.
Topics: Advice, Books?, Opinion, Random, The Man | 3 Comments »
How did this ever get passed?
By adam.cozens | September 24, 2008
I know that our current, racially-litigious society is quick to jump on anything that has the vague apperance of being offensive, but I didn’t realize that it was such a recent trend. Apperently back in the 90’s, it was still ANYTHING GOES! Or else, how could you explain THIS:
I know, I know. We all loved Jim Varney. He made saying “Knowwhatimeanvern?” a national catch-phrase. But somehow, I still can’t see this being…oh, how do you say, not incredibly racist? Either way, way to go big Earnest. You are missed.
Here is a clip of Varney doing what he does best: making an honest effort in trying to get us to laugh.
Topics: Celeb, Comedy, Dead, Entertainment, Movies, RACIST! | No Comments »